Many Thinking Christians

Years ago when I was a wandering ne’er-do-well considering ordained ministry in the Episcopal Church, I found myself on the hot seat in front of a stern looking group of clergy and laypeople.  I had been summoned from my studies at Harvard Divinity School to this interrogation for the purposes of determining the nature of my professed call to ministry. The group wanted to know if I was serious: about my studies, about life as priest, about God… Frankly, they had their doubts, and I had a couple of my own.   

Of particular concern was the fierce independent streak I had demonstrated by jumping ahead with my studies before the grinding machinery of the Church Discernment Process had determined my mettle for ordination.  But that machinery was now on the move, and this, my first meeting with the Diocesan Commission on Ministry, represented a formidable hurdle in my path toward the priesthood.  Making matters worse, the Church regarded Harvard Divinity School with equal parts respect and suspicion.  The respect -whether justified or not – simply came with the name ‘Harvard’, but the suspicion lay in the fact that H.D.S. was decidedly not an Episcopal seminary and therefore came with all sorts of undue influences, bringing my formation as a priest into question.     

Unwisely, I’d spent minimal time preparing for this meeting, figuring I’d answered similar questions with my parish reflection group from the previous summer.  I was wrong, and my lack of preparation became evident when I was asked one of the classics, “Tell us about your relationship with Jesus Christ”.  Though I suspected this was coming, it still caught me up.  I certainly had a relationship with Jesus Christ, but it was…well…complicated.  One concern, to me anyway, was that I simply didn’t believe a lot of the stuff I had read about him.  So while stumbling over how to put that into words, my mouth got far out in front of my brain, and I blurted out, “Well, don’t ask me to believe in the Virgin Birth.” 

There was a loooooooong pause.  Finally, The Rev. Karl Ruttan, a priest I knew only in passing (he would later become my spiritual director and a good friend), broke the silence with words that in all likelihood changed my life, “Well, Zach, while many thinking Christians may question the doctrine of the Virgin Birth, I’m not sure its something we want to preach from the pulpit at this moment in time, but more importantly, it wasn’t the question.  Tell us about your relationship with Jesus.”

With those few words, Fr. Ruttan guided me away from the immediate cessation of my discernment process and toward answers more satisfying both to myself and the committee.  But he did something much more: he affirmed what I had only begun to suspect and what I needed to be true if I were going to be ordained: that there were many thinking Christians who, like me, didn’t necessarily believe that Jesus was born of a virgin.  They may not believe that he walked on water either.  Or turned water into wine.  But, none-the-less, they are Christian and have an authentic and even deep relationship with Christ, following their spiritual paths as Children of God and living out full, robust lives of faith with integrity.  What’s more, as I read between the lines, Fr. Ruttan also let me know that there were indeed clergy, woman and men who had devoted their lives to God and the Church, who thought and moved through their calling without buying every word of the Nicene Creed or every last detail of the accounts of Jesus’ life and death.  Knowing that brought me a deep sense of relief and excitement: relief that I didn’t have to blindly accept all of the conventional or traditional teachings of the Church and excitement about the possibility of exploring a deep life of faith that honored and encouraged my curiosity and experience. 

Those realizations opened the path forward for me into ordained life and clarified how I might be of service to others on their path to God.  This Blog is about that path: our lifelong and often meandering pursuit of a robust vibrant faith that sees the Bible and the life of Christ as road signs pointing to a deeper life in community and in the Divine.  This space will also serve as a venue where I can air out some ideas on religion, politics, spirituality, and contemporary life that, as Fr. Ruttan rightfully pointed out, may not be right for the pulpit, but may also provide insight, encouragement, and the occasional challenge – and give readers a chance to respond to them in kind.  Hope to see you here again.  

Mad Love, Zach+